i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
