I just made out with a guy for $7.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
