I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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