Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
