I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
