Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
