Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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