I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
