haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
where am i from again
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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