Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
