I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
