I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
