you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
