I should be sponsored by Trojan
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
