You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
