worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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