She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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