Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
