I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
