Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
