Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So much Jack, so little girl.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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