My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
