I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
