Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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