i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
