Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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