woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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