well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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