Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
