Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
