i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
