I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Randomize
