sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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