I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
