I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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