you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
