While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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