apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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