did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Drunk is not a location!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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