i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
