I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
