Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
