: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Randomize
