Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
