dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
