Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
