Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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