I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
