Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we're making bets on your personal life
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
