Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
