nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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