its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
